Humility in Marriage

“...unless we yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man and  becometh as children-submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things…”(Mosiah 3: 19)

A long-term study of 130 newlywed couples found that husbands emotionally intelligent had happier marriage, because they allowed themselves to be influenced by their wives.(Gottman, 2015, p.116) Even though it seems to be harder for men be influenced in marriage, when they allow their wives to influence them, their marriage relationship improves. “Because this type of husband honors and respects his wife, he will be open to learning more about emotion from her...He may not emote in the same way that his wife does, but he will learn how to better connect with her emotionally.”(Gottman, 2015, p.123) 

It reminded that of The Family Proclamation to the World: “ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.”

Men and women have a divine nature and destiny, which unique characteristics help them exercise their role. But it does not mean that they cannot learn from one another to develop other abilities. Like husband can learn with their wives how to be more sensitive with others, and wives can learn the ability to listen and control stress with their husbands.

Being open to learning is a great way to develop friendship and strength a couple relationship. But often, what stay in a way for happy and stable marriages is pride.

So Dr Gottman and Goddard suggests some practices to help couples be humble:

• Turning to God in faith and repentance is the cure for pride and self-centeredness. We can leave the relationship, smolder in sullen resentment, or repent. Repentance "denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world. (Goddard, 2009)
• Perhaps the fundamental difference between husbands who accept influence and those who don't is that the former have learned that often in life you need to yield in order to win. (Gottman, 2015, p.125)

Sometimes couples seem to be in a competition of who is right and wrong. Who will be the winner? If there is a loser and winner, so marriage loses. When we are humble to accept each other influences, then we both win because we are one!

References

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015) The seven principles for making marriage work. New York, NY: Harmony Books.

Goddard, H.W. (2009) Drawing heaven into your marriage. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.