Healthy In-laws Relationships

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and
they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

It’s such an important topic to talk about in-law relations because it can help couples learn how to manage their new life as a married couple, in-laws, and parents relations. I have witnessed difficulties in friend’s marriage due to in-laws and parents interference, and even divorces influenced by in-laws conflicts.

We can avoid many conflicts with in-laws and parents in our marriage, if we obey the commandment to “cleave unto his wife (her husband)”. But note that: 

“Elder Ashton reminded us that in cleaning to a spouse, married children should be faithful and supportive to their spouses, not not forget their parents. In turn, parents may need to give up previous roles their had with their children to allow the new couple to be independent. New husband and wives must recognize that their spouses still have relationships with their parents.” (Harper & Olsen, 2000, p. 327)

What if my parents and in-laws insist on having us to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas?

This is only one example that if the situation is well handled, it can avoid future conflicts in our marriage. In order to maintain a good relationship with in-laws and parents, couples should be careful in following three important points, according to President Kimball (Harper & Olsen, 2000, p. 328): 

• Confide in and counsel with your spouse

It’s important to create rules with each other about things you can and cannot talk with others outside your marriage. It can avoid gossip and other conflicts within your extended family. This is part of their growth, and connection with each other. 

• Establish your own household, separate from your parents

In marriage, couples have the opportunity to create their our rules and tradition, and it will be better achieved if they have their own home, not living in their parents home. I have found this to be one of my favorite parts when I was newly married because my family had traditions that I didn’t like. So I could change it, and create our own traditions.

• Outside counsel should be considered prayerfully by both spouses together 

Whenever counsel the couple receive, the decision should be taken only the couple together, after they counsel each other. My husband and I used to refer this as creating our world. Our parents had their own world, and now we have our own world. Sometimes our parents and in-laws counsels would apply only to their lives, and not to our lives as married because we were different, we have created a different world from theirs.

References:

Harper, J.M., & Olsen, S.F. (2005). Creating healthy ties with in-laws and extended families. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.